So, you host the biggest ever wedding celebrations, inviting the crème de la crème of the world and so you’d be expected to have some level of stress putting it all together.
And you think, your guests have to simply show up, so it’s easy for them.
Au contraire..!!
You have no clue how stressful it gets for everyone who’s been invited. Don’t know how? Well, let me give you a glimpse of some of the conversations at people’s homes, starting from a few months prior to the wedding.
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At this sea facing penthouse in Bandra West, a few months before THE wedding, the lady is going very hyper.
“Where is our invitation?? Why has it not come to us yet? Oh my God. Hope we’ve not been taken off the list.. the Sharmas got the invitation 15 min back. She sent me the photo as soon as it came. Where is ours?? I’m getting an anxiety attack..”
The guy trying to calm her.
“The Sharmas are the only ones who have got it. I am sure ours is on the way. Don’t panic.”
Lady: “How can you be so cool about this?? And what is this about not panicking! Of course, there’s reason to panic. Why should the Sharmas get it earlier?? If you’re coming from the Sea Link, our house is two buildings before theirs. And if you go by last name, we are a P, and they are an S. We should have been first. Oh my God, oh my God.. what if we are not on the list!!”
Guy: “You’re really letting your imagination run wild. After all, why should we not be on the list??”
Lady: “Because at the last function, you didn’t take the papadam tray and serve the guests! You saw how the Big B and all others were doing it. But no, why should you do it? And then, you didn’t even bow down and touch Ba’s feet then! It’s all because of you. Oh my God.. if we are really not on the list, we will have to migrate to Canada and not show our faces in Mumbai for next 5 years at least..!!”
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Then at this ex-PM’s home in London, as they were deciding what they’d wear for the function.
Lady: “Much as authentic you want to be dear, you’re not going to wear a dhoti! Because I know after two drinks, you will want to show your wild dance moves and I am afraid you won’t know how to hold your dhoti together, doing so.. “
Ex-PM, not to be left behind on the barbs, responded, “And you want to wear a saree, with those many layers going round and round, and when you take those long steps in your stiletos, on the carpet, there’s every risk of you tripping over your saree! I don’t want international media to feature the one pic of the wedding being the wardrobe malfunction of the ex-PM’s wife..!!”
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Then there was this WA group of Bollywood stars and cricketers going berserk over what gifts to give.
A newbie to the group, a young cricketer who had just got into first three figure hundreds of crores worth, and was still not quite into this game, thought he was doing the smart thing when he suggested, “Shall we pool in some money and buy a common gift?”
And they all pounced on the poor guy.
“What, you think you’re going to a birthday party at your Shivaji Park friend’s home or what?? Pooling the money for a common gift, it seems!” Another star chimed in: “Don’t know where these guys come from. Here we are stressed out about competing with Zuckerberg and Gates on the kind of gift to give him, and this guy gives such a stupid suggestion. Boss, this is too stressful yaar..!”
The Bollywood star lady added, “Karan, why don’t you only curate some nice hampers like you do on your show! One for each of us. But please, don’t use those Indian brands just because they are sponsors on your show. Need to make it super classy, man..”!
Matter continued for a long more time before it could find any good resolution.
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Then, at the Gujju diamond businessman’s home on Napeansea Road, the discussion was going like this..
Lady: “Yeah, I know you can’t hold yourself back once the garba music starts. But please, after 2-3 drinks and with your big paunch, your dancing will be an embarrassment, especially when you’re surrounded by those Size 0 starlets doing their sexy moves! Please don’t dance…”
Man: “Shu vaat kare che tu? Garba is our dance! We have to give company to THE family! All the rest, those cricketers and filmy folks, and especially those goras from abroad, are going to ruin our pure form of dance. The least we can do is to show them the right way to do garba!”
Lady: “Of course and I have been practising for last 6 months, only for that reason. My dream is to teach garba to Ivanka..”
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And so on and so forth!
So, please note, the easier part is to host a large wedding celebration of this kind.The harder part is for the guests.. please be sympathetic to all of us! 🙏
Random Musings 