Breaking News: A Scene at the “Indian TV” News Office

Posted: May 4, 2011 in Uncategorized

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. However, any similarity to persons living or dead is purely intentional :)

(Warning: Mostly written in Hindi, with some profanities too.. )

—–

The reporter was excited. He had finally got his scoop, and perhaps his 30 seconds of fame, of a national headline story. And a chance to impress the editor… !

He shut down his laptop and almost ran to the editor’s cabin. 

Panting as he reached the editor’s desk, he barged in and started:

“Sirji, sirji… ek dhamakedaar story hai.. “

“Aisi breaking news story hai, saare desh ko hiladegi.. “

Editor: “Arre… haafne ka to bandh kar, aur bata story kya hai?”

Reporter: “Sir.. waqt zara bhi nikle nahi isliye maine saari screens tayyar kar di hai.. main aapko dikha deta hoon..”

And he starts his laptop. 

Unfortunately, he does not carry a Mac, and the Windows machine takes a while to get started 🙂 

(** “cheap shot at the Windows machine :)”  – author **)

Reporter (even as the machine boots): “Sir, mai chahta tha ki ye khabar logo ko hum hi pehle pahocha ye.. “

“Is liye maine saari tayyari kar di hai..”

Editor is busy with some papers on his desk, not really paying much attention to reporter’s mumblings.

Reporter (continuing in excitement): “Sirji.. woh Aaj Tak-Kal Tak, E TV-F TV sabki chhuti kar denge hum, is news ke saath..”

Editor: “Abe hai kya itna is news me, kuch bata bhi…?”

Reporter: “Sir, khabar hi kuch aisi hai.. Pakistaniyo ke baare me hai.. unki thodi burayi ho rahi hai.. apni public ko aur pasand aayegi… hahaha..”

Editor: “Ha, woh to sahi hai.. kuch aisa dikhaye jo unko ch*****ya dikha de, to apni public khush ho to hai.. “ 

Reporter: “Maine Amrican source ki baato me se ye scoop dhoond liya.. aah.. dekhiye, PC shuru hua..” 

Editor seeing the screen now:

BREAKING NEWS: JAB AMERICA OSAMA KO MAAR RAHA THA, PAKISTANI FAUJ ANDE KI BHURJI BANA RAHI THI..

Editor: “Abe ye kya khabar hai?? Ye ande ki bhurji kaha se aayi? Aur ye tujhe kisne bataya be??”

Reporter: “Sir.. Amrican commander apni baat bata rahe the.. uske bayan me ye baat chhupi hui thi.. jo maine pakad li.. “

Editor: “Yaane tu ye bol raha hai, ki American commander ne sabko public me ye bataya ki Pakistani fauj omlette kha rahi thi, aur ab tak aur kisi ke dhyan me nahi aaya, sirf tujhe pata laga hai, is baat ka..?”

Reporter: “Nahi.. Ha..”

Editor: “Ye ‘nahin’ aur ‘ha’ dono ka kya matlab he ch****ye?”

Reporter: “Na is baat ki, ke woh omlette nahi thi.. ande ki bhurji thi. Haa is baat ki ke commander ne ye baat batayi hai, aur ab tak kisi ne nahi pakdi na ki ise cover ki hai..”

Editor (thinking for a moment and then speaking): “Agar tu jo bol raha hai woh sahi nikla, to hamari channel ke liye se sansani bhari khabar hogi.. utni hi TRP milegi, jo bacche ke kue me gir jaane vali khabar ko mili thi…” 

“Bata pehle, ye commander vali cheez kaha mili tujhe..ek baar dikha mujhe bhi”

Reporter: “Mujhe pata tha, aap pucchenge.. isliye mai sab tayari ke saath aaya hoon. Ye dekhiye, unke bayan ki transcript..”

Editor reads it carefully. And then his face becomes red in anger…and he gets up from his seat, and screams… 

“Bh****od, hum gair ghuzare hai, lekin itne bhi bewkoof nahi dikhna hume..”

“Angrezi ki A, B, C nahi aati, to news room me kaam kyu lete ho, Ma*****od”

Reporter (shivering, nearly in tears): “Sir.. sir.. lekin yaha to likha ha…..” 

Editor: “Bho***ke, ye kya likha hai padh ek baar…”

Reporter: “Isme likha hai na:

‘Pakistanis were reacting to the incident that they knew was taking place in Abbottabad. Therefore, they were scrambling some of their assets'”

Editor: “Iska matlab samjhta hai, saale… ? Iska matlab ye nahi ki woh ande hi bhurji banane baith gaye.. iska matlab hai ki woh apne hawai jahaj aur helicopter vagereh tayyar karne lag gaye..”

Editor (now laughing): “Saale ch***ye, kab nikla hai college se.. thodi to angreze seekh ke aata.. bhag yaha se.. bh****od..”

Reporter (feeling bad, closes his PC and walks out of Editor’s room, mumbling to himself..): “Ye Amrican bhi, bh****od, aisa kyo likhte hai, saale.. hawai jahaj aur helicopter ki baat karni hai to ye scrambled assets kyu likhte hai, ma******od..!” 

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