Most Wanted Men Summon Designers For Special Suits

Posted: May 7, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. However, any similarity to persons living or dead is purely intentional :)


Panic had set in the ranks.

Tension of this kind was never ever seen before. Not when the Americans entered Kabul, nor when they attacked Iraq.

Their safe havens were always safe. Dubai, Karachi, Islamabad.. no one could touch them there. No matter that American troops were present in Pakistan. But there was enough protection to them, from their friends in ISI and elsewhere in Pakistan.

Life was fun.. !

And then, one night, the Americans came quietly, without letting anyone know, and took out Osama Bin Laden, in his own home, closely protected by the nearby military academy, in Abbottabad.

The board members of GTA (Global Terrorists’ Association) were in total panic now. If the Americans could get into Abbottabad, no place was safe anymore.

What is their next strike was in Karachi?? Or in Islamabad, for God’s sake?!

An emergency board meeting was held. Most of them could turn up and attend, but those who did not make it, still came on the video conference, and it was a 100% attendance. Panic does this to people. Everyone was concerned and for once, they had to join hands to figure out their solutions.

After a lot of debate, and after going round and round in circles, there was no solution in sight to possible prevention of such attacks by the Americans.

So when that debate was not going anywhere, finally the veteran terrorist made everyone quiet and said: “Friends, we are going nowhere. We will spend days trying to figure out how to stop the American rampage, we may not get answers, and who knows, if the Americans find us here, and attack all of us together?”

The possibility shook everyone up. And suddenly there was quiet in the air.

The veteran terrorist continued, “Let us be practical here. Till the time we figure out how to stop such attacks, we have to address the next issue. IF an attack happens on our hideout, and if they take us down, it’s all over for us! What we must figure out is a way to survive. If we are alive, we can still hope for help from our politician friends all over the world. And maybe regain our power in course of time.”

There was a murmur in the room. Everyone agreed. The wise veteran terrorist had made a crucial point.

The young, brash, new kid on the block terrorist asked “But sir, how do we save ourselves? Osama was not even armed, he did not fight, and yet, they took him down. How can we hope to survive?”

The veteran terrorist responded “Ah, the trouble with you young kids of today. You do not want to do any homework, and just rush into battle.. ”

The young kid on the block did not like the comment from the veteran. He was about to shout some profanities. Nobody told him things like this! But looking at the hall and the seniors around, he held back his response.

The veteran terrorist continued “Check this story out. Can you spot the opportunity of survival there?”

And as he said this, and clicked the mouse, the story was flashed on the giant projection screen in the room. It was long form text and not SMS / Tweet length 140 characters. So it took time for the GTA members to read and digest it.

First one, and then others, slowly got the message. And they were aghast. What WAS the veteran terrorist suggesting??

The headline of the story suggested:

Only a naked Osama would have been spared the bullet

By the time they were all done, and murmuring amongst themselves, it was again left to the young, brash new terrorist to blurt out, “What? You are suggesting that we roam around in full monty? Are you crazy or something?”

The veteran terrorist shook his head again. He looked at his senior colleagues hoping to get sympathy from them, but they were also all staring at him in disbelief.

What the hell was this old man suggesting?!

Finally, the veteran terrorist responded, “You are a real slow lot. No wonder terrorism is going to the dogs and the law is catching up on us. Where are your smarts, you idiots?!”

“Wait, I will not speak anything.. let me call a few guys whom my boys have ‘picked up’ from Mumbai!”

So saying, he summoned his team to bring in the guests, all blind-folded…

And slowly the faces became clear. These were all name brand designers from India – Manish Malhotra, Ritu Beri, Rohit Bal, Neeta Lulla and others.

The group was still open mouthed. What the hell is this veteran upto?
And the veteran – well, he looked at the question marks on the faces of the group, and shook his head. He thought, “now I know, the days of terrorism are numbered – we have such idiots who have to be told EVERYTHING..”

And so he explained, “Guys, I wish you’ll would have understood. But dumb that all of you are, and still not getting the point, I have no choice but to spell out the details to you.”

“As you saw in the report, as per US rules, if the terrorist was naked, they’d have spared him the bullet. Now, I do not expect all of us to walk around without clothes (and while saying this, he looked sharply, at the young, brash terrorist – who, in turn, turned his head down!).”

“What I am looking for each of us to do, is to wear clothes, which can come off FAST. So if you sense noise outside your room or unusual movements or noises from your compound, within seconds, you need to be naked.”

And as he said this, there were small smiles coming on to the faces of the group. There were nods of affirmation and sighs of relief.

The veteran continued, “In the last couple of days that these famous Indian designers have been here, we have got them to come up with concepts of such clothing. To suit all of our tastes, and yet have the fundamental feature of quick removal.”

“The challenge given to the designers was a 5-second removal target. And by jove, these Indian designers are creative. And respond to challenges. We have two dresses here, which can actually come out in 3 seconds, and others in the 4-5 seconds range.”

“And not that these are sparse.. these are good looking to suit our respective preferences, and yet quick to remove.”

“We will see demonstrations now, and we have flown in John Abraham and Akshay Kumar to walk the ramp, to demo these dresses, including their functionalities!”

The guard at the door observing the goings on, murmured to his colleague, “Ah.. now I know why those 500 bundles of VELCRO were ordered the other day.. !”

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